I'm single and called to marriage... now what?

I was listening to a Matthew Kelly talk last week while I was driving home from an out-of-town voice lesson, and several of the things he said really struck me, but there was one idea in particular that struck me and stuck with me. I’m paraphrasing here, but his basic point was as follows:

For those of us that feel called to marriage, we often feel the need to look for the person that has all of the qualities we seek in a future spouse. What we need to be doing is preparing ourselves for marriage by becoming more like the person God has in mind for that future spouse.

It’s easy to shrug off the work for ourselves and say, “Well, I feel prepared for a spouse (insert subtle hair flip). But he/she is not ready for me for some reason. Clock is ticking… Come on, God… Help him/her out so we can be together now…” If we translate that, it sounds we are claiming to be perfect for another person that God has in mind, and that is not accurate. We are far from perfect. And we may feel prepared, but God has a different time in mind for us, and we can use the time we have now to sit around a mope about being single, or we can use that time to grow closer to Christ and become the person that God has designed for another person. While moping sounds appealing at times because it usually involves ice cream, the productive choice is to use this “waiting period” to fall more in love with Jesus.

Let me just say that I have trouble taking my own advice, and this productivity that I propose is not something I find easy or even do-able at times. It is incredibly difficult to feel called to something, the timing of which you have no control over. I had lunch with a friend last weekend, and we were talking about the vocation of marriage, and how strange it can feel to have that vocation when you’re single. She and I had the same thought: If we’re called to marriage, how do we live out our vocation before we are with the person we’re supposed to marry? If you’re called to religious life, you enter the seminary or a convent (yes, I’m making that sound much simpler than it is, but you understand my point). If you’re called to single life, you move forward as a single person and dedicate your life as you are called to do. If you’re called to marriage and you’re single… then what? Chastity Project released this great article the other day about convenience in regards to marriage and dating. If you haven’t read it, please do. If you have read it, read it again.

I have a hard time being eloquent about this topic because it’s something I sincerely struggle with. My brain tends to run a million miles a minute with a flood of different emotions (hope, worry, excitement, irritation, love, anger -- to name a few). And I feel almost foolish for offering advice and suggestions to others when I hardly understand how to confront this difficulty in my own life. But I think my goal with this particular topic is to let others know that they are not alone in their struggle. God is working so fervently in our lives, and if He can work that hard for billions of people, we can do more than sit around waiting for something to happen. Actively pursue Christ’s love and let Him into your heart so that He can transform you into the person He is calling you to be, which is the person that your future spouse will fall in love with. And you know what’s awesome? We can open our hearts to Christ, be productive in our lives, and still get to eat ice cream--no moping required.