Forgive but don't forget.

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about a relationship in my life that needs healing. It’s not with someone particularly close to me anymore, but it’s a relationship that meant a lot to me and had a major impact on my life and my time in college. There was a lot of hurt at the end of our friendship, but I knew that the right thing to do was to forgive this person for the hurt they had caused in my life and try to move forward. Many people suggested that I “forgive and forget.” Let me tell you… I will never forget this person or how important they were to me. But the forgiveness part, that was something I could do.

I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness in the past year, and the most important thing I’ve taken away from it is this: forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. I’ve harbored a lot of bitterness in my heart towards certain people through the years, but that does absolutely nothing except hurt ME. I heard a speaker on a retreat a few weeks ago refer to harboring bitterness as drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. If that didn’t make me think twice, nothing would. In order to truly forgive someone, I have to be the one to wake up every day and say, “I will not harbor bitterness in my heart. I forgive [insert name here].” Is this easy? No. Do I always mean it? No. But it is my choice whether or not to forgive this person because I am the only one that the bitterness affects.

Forgiving is always the right thing to do (Matthew 18:22), but I don’t think forgetting necessarily is. I’ve learned so much from this relationship I’m trying to heal, and I’ve learned a lot about myself through my time of being unforgiving. I’ve learned how damaging bitterness is. I’ve learned how to trust in God even when I’m angry with him. I’ve learned about growing in my faith in the midst of trial. I’ve learned about what is

important to me and how to make it a priority. And I will continue to learn about many other things as I keep these experiences in mind while moving forward in my life. So I say always forgive but never forget. Our experiences, both positive and negative, shape us as people, and if we try to forget the things that harden our hearts, it will be that much more difficult to let go of that hardness in the future. I’d rather not make my life more difficult, thank you very much.

I was talking to my friend Jordan (thanks for being your awesome self) this weekend about this whole situation, and I loved what she said about healing a broken relationship.

“Why would you not put effort into healing if you have the opportunity to heal something that was important to you?”

Wise words, my friend. I love that. Forgiveness is the first step, but healing is a second step that can sometimes involve the other person if they are amenable to that. This is not always the case, and I’m not saying it’s always the best option. But if it is an option that will bring more peace to your life and into your heart, why not take advantage of that opportunity?

I’m grateful to have learned about forgiveness at a time in my life when I needed it the most. God’s timing is perfect. For real. I need to remember that more often! I encourage you to look at the areas in your life that need forgiveness. Maybe it’s a friend that hurt you or a parent that you argued with, or maybe it’s yourself. I hope that you can wake up tomorrow and make the choice to forgive those that have hurt you. Dump that poison down the drain.

#forgiveness #anger #challenge #healing